Friday, May 6, 2011

Hormel Brand "Sloppy Seconds" ~ a comic monologue

Are you one of 13.5 million unemployed Americans?
Are you a dollar-minded mom or dad trying to raise a family on a fixed income?
Or no income at all?
Are your kids so hungry they would eat table scraps? Off of somebody else's table?!
Well thankfully, now they can!

Serve your hungry heroes a heaping helping of America's favorite canned-food dinner
made from leftover table scraps!
Serve them...Hormel brand Sloppy Seconds!

Hormel collected table scraps from participating all-you-can-eat restaurants and buffets,
like Picadilly, Panchos, and Stuckeys!
For that delicious blending of flavors your kids beg for,
scoop-up Sloppy Seconds on a pita, tortilla, or a bun.
MOVE OVER Sloppy Joe. It's time...for Sloppy Seconds!

And now, Hormel is proud to announce
our newest member of the Sloppy Seconds family:
Sloppy Seconds....Vegan!
Hormel heard your demand for a healthier alternative that's cruelty-free,
sustainably farmed, and hand-picked by indigenous peoples.
That's right, Vegan Sloppy Seconds. For your Hormel.

Hormel took the scrap bucket from under the deli at Whole Foods.
Mixed in barley malt, spirulina, and quinoa!
Just stir in soy milk, and Sloppy Seconds Vegan (mmmm) makes it own savory gravy.
Nothing but the good stuff the Goddess intended you to eat!

So whether you and your family LOVE Sloppy Seconds Vegan,
Sloppy Seconds Tandoori, or Sloppy Seconds ORIGINAL FLAVOR,
your kids will starve for more. They will wipe their mouths, then beg YOU for
"More Sloppy Seconds, Mom and Dad!!"